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onnas_baka_gaki [userpic]

well, that's that

May 6th, 2011 (02:38 am)
frustrated
Tags:

current mood: upset

I guess I should have updated here that the hormone therapy has really been helping me and I'm feeling much better.

Sleeping patterns are almost back to normal - yay! Not so tired - yay! Staying awake until time for bed - yay! Working on things at night and not passing out - yay!

But since I didn't give an update here, it has caused me to be removed (via email) from participating in DollAKon, taking my original request in March and making it retroactive. I have given the impression my health is only getting worse, which it WAS but now it's better. Hormones are my friend!

I spent the day today at homeworking on Powerpoint stuff for it and didn't fall asleep once - a miracle!

I had hoped to do some tiny wiring at the DollAKon workmeet because I'm feeling better and suggested it today. That's probably the straw that broke the camel's back.

I know how to monitor my energy levels and I watch myself all the time. That's why I got the hotel room - to insure I would recharge when needed so I could give a tiptop performance at the con.

I'm not jumping out and running a marathon yet (or ever - I don't run anymore!) but I'm looking at my exercise equipment and plan on starting up slow again.

Well, that's the end of that, since no one called me to check how I'm doing today and I know I won't get a chance to prove myself otherwise. I won't be allowed to fight the decision by proving I'm getting better every single day and that I will be able to handle my responsibilities. It has been taken out of my hands.

I know it's partly my fault for whining about my health -sometimes you have to vent that frustration. But it put a bullet through my brain in the end.

A lot of us have bad health, including the head coordinator. I'm worried more about her health than me!  They're afraid of me collapsing at AKon when in fact KyKy is a more likely candidate with her current health issues and all the stresses dealing with the organization. I am REALLY worried about her!

And I now have nothing to look forward to at Akon, either. I currently do not feel welcome at the doll events (that may change) and the people who are not in the know will be asking me questions I will not be inclined to answer. Unless things change, I better stay away from the doll area completely.

Maybe the academia folks need an extra body for their panels but they usually don't at Akon.

And now I will be treated like I am a cracked egg needing coddling even at regular meetups. I really do not like being coddled.

I need to stop chewing on this - it's a done deal in their heads so what's the point anymore?  Moot, moot, moot.

Comments

Posted by: Rorek (rorekgwolfe)
Posted at: May 6th, 2011 02:14 pm (UTC)
ro icon

That has to be incredibly frustrating. :( Why don't you feel welcome at the regular meetups? I get the impression you're a total sweetheart, so I can't imagine why you'd be unwelcome.

Posted by: onnas_baka_gaki (onnas_baka_gaki)
Posted at: May 6th, 2011 03:18 pm (UTC)
Neko Hate Being Ignored - Chikara

You're so sweet to think that but I'm a bitch at heart.

Some things were hashed out on the phone this morning - we're all over-extended, unhealthy and stressed and we're all worried about each others' health. That's what happens when the strongest people of the local doll community all have chronic medical issues.

Dolls provide comfort when things are not the best.

I'm going to Scarborough on Sunday for a Mother's Day dolly tea party and to fill the shopping list of stuff my mother has told us to purchase for her.

Posted by: kerikochan (kerikochan)
Posted at: May 6th, 2011 03:34 pm (UTC)
Cain

I think everyone goes through times of not feeling 100% welcome; add to that chronic health problems that, no matter how accustomed to having them you are, can be incredibly frustrating. I know I got out of the doll scene for a bit due to those feelings (and being busy).

I always saw you as incredibly strong and, when it comes to dolls, one of the most knowledgeable people (without being condescending) I know. I love having you at meet ups! I wish I could make more of them actually, hopefully after graduation I can get back into it.

Posted by: onnas_baka_gaki (onnas_baka_gaki)
Posted at: May 7th, 2011 03:02 pm (UTC)
Yuki

Thanks, K!

Things have been worked out, with a phone call and reality checks for everyone all around. Basically we are all trying too hard to do too much the first year. I hope people will see all the hard work put into what will be offered this year and will understand a full-blown doll con like Austin or SoCal was not possible our 'virgin' year.

I have REALLY missed you, K! You're a breath of fresh air when I see you, because I don't see you as often as I used to. And you were one of my angels during the move.

Posted by: kerikochan (kerikochan)
Posted at: May 7th, 2011 03:32 pm (UTC)
Cain

*hugs* I miss you too! You're like one of the main reasons I go to meet ups. I would help you move again ANY TIME!! Next time I'm at David's (my beau who lives right by Richardson) I should see if you're available for some hang out time!

I plan on going to the A-kon doll con thing, I have a GREAT idea planned for the fashion/costume contest. Lets just say that I plan to be an accessory for my doll. ^^

Yea putting on a con is super stressful, tensions stretched, and egos have to be put in place. Probably why I've never entertained the idea of holding any sort of position of power at any con. ^0^

Posted by: onnas_baka_gaki (onnas_baka_gaki)
Posted at: May 11th, 2011 02:59 pm (UTC)
Matcha

Agreed about a position of power at a con! When this idea first came up around Christmas and some people said I should be the one to run it, I quickly and adamantly squashed that idea in the bud, knowing the amount of work it would take. I was teaching in the Spring and needed to concentrate on my students, too.

If David is in Richardson, MINI-MEET TIME! You haven't seen my new Bambicrony Kumi elves yet. Actually, no one has seen my latest Kumi yet!

Posted by: Dnce (starshipangels)
Posted at: May 7th, 2011 02:43 pm (UTC)
girl & bear

I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better Onna.

I felt like you do. My reasons are totally different ^^; people wouldn't talk to me or if I approached them well they answered totally bitchy. Why act like that? if you don't like new people... I wish they simply practice being polite.

At least to me you seem to be a sweet person :)

Posted by: onnas_baka_gaki (onnas_baka_gaki)
Posted at: May 7th, 2011 03:07 pm (UTC)
Puki Love - Lani and Shuichi

It's really not about not being talked to - it's a lot more complicated than that. We are all STILL friends and still talk and we had a nice long phone conversation the next morning.

The con has also gone through a large reality check since the phone call and everyone is pulling back because most of us organizers/panelists suffer with chronic illnesses/issues. I made the joke we needed to rent a bunch of wheelchairs to line one wall of the panel room in case we all need them at the same time!

Posted by: Dnce (starshipangels)
Posted at: May 7th, 2011 03:09 pm (UTC)
bed+pc

XD that would be funny to see a line of wheelchairs in waiting!

Posted by: onnas_baka_gaki (onnas_baka_gaki)
Posted at: May 11th, 2011 02:59 pm (UTC)
Chibi Shu animated flowers

And large pockets for dolls to ride along!

Posted by: Sakuma Ryuichi (isparkle4meandu)
Posted at: May 11th, 2011 02:10 am (UTC)
My best friend!

awwwww, Onna, I wish I could afford to go. I'd LOVE to hang out with you and (big)Shuichi and (big)Yuki and Tatsuha and Ryuichi and take pics.

Honestly, I think that you should go and ignore it when the others treat you like you're break, and instead show them how much better you're feeling. But then again, that's me.

Ryuichi

Posted by: onnas_baka_gaki (onnas_baka_gaki)
Posted at: May 11th, 2011 03:02 pm (UTC)
Shindo and Yuki

I am SO much better now that it's like night and day.

I really need to get the rest of the brats home with me but I haven't had the energy to get any boxes unpacked. rat and I keep talking about it but we come home and immediately become lumps in front of the computers. LOL!

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